It’s summer time, and in our household, and for many of my clients, that usually means house guests! For some, it’s not just limited to summer, but other times of the year when friends or family visit.
The question or challenge I see that a lot of my clients have is keeping up the momentum in their business and sticking to their routine during these times of extra chaos. Can you relate? After all, even the easiest and most helpful houseguests are still more mouths to feed, dishes to wash, people to entertain, sheets to wash, bathrooms to clean, extra costs etc.
And don’t underestimate how you are affected by the extra and different energy flowing through the house. Where you may normally just retire after dinner with a good book to unwind, you now have people around. And, of course, as the guests are on vacation, they want to spend time with you in the daytime.
It can be so easy, simply due to overwhelm, to be caught up in the distraction, to let goals slip, not get things done, think “I will do it tomorrow, or after they go”, and put off projects, networking, and other business building activities in favor of only dealing with immediate client needs.
But remember, a break in momentum, almost always results in a break in income.
Differences in Mindsets
Now, it’s not that our friends and family don’t respect that we do have business obligations, and it’s the same for your loved ones. However, there is just something about working from home that somehow communicates a message that it’s not as serious, or as structured as a job outside the home, or that you have total freedom.
And while custom and social graces expect someone to have to leave for the day to go to an office, the same customs say it’s rude to go lock yourself in a room and close the door when people are in the house. And by not having to go to an office daily just seems to raise the expectation that you are available to host.
The reality in my own life, is that my husband and I have 2 businesses to run, and even though our commute is just up the stairs to our offices, and not off site, we still have action packed days, clients to serve, remote team members to lead, projects and deadlines to coordinate and our operations manager works here in our home in one of the bedrooms that has been converted to an office.
And while I have set up my business to give me a lot of freedom, the reason that is possible is that I am very clear in my boundaries and business hours, and that time needs to be focused, productive and is non-negotiable. I also have some personal “big rocks” like my horse, fitness, and healthy cooking, that are part of my daily routine and are also non-negotiable.
For a while, I felt like I was running a Holiday Inn!
So as you can imagine, having people stay in the home can knock all of that off schedule – especially if our guests need one of the bedrooms that are converted to an office (a challenge common to many entrepreneurs with house guests)! It certainly is an interruption if it’s only one set of house guests in a summer, but what happens when it’s constant? What happens when they stay more than a couple of days?
I know this is something many entrepreneurs struggle with, and recently I’ve coached some clients through the same thing as they found themselves slipping in their goals and timelines, and their income suffered as a result. Since this is an area that I have lived and figured out, I thought I’d share my story and give you some tips on how I manage it now!
A few years ago right after I left my corporate life, it seemed that starting the May long weekend right through to the end of September we became a revolving Holiday Inn.
One after another people asked if they could stay. It started to overwhelm me, and I just didn’t feel like I could say “no” – after all, how do you say yes to one and “no” to someone else?
I found myself in tears almost daily, trying so hard to get my business off the ground, while also trying to be the perfect hostess to all these wonderful people whom I do truly love and care for, who were on vacation but didn’t seem to realize or understand that I wasn’t.
Dishonesty in Dealings
In addition to my business and energy suffering, I had no time for my personal desires and goals – the horse, fitness, healthy cooking, – well something had to give, if I had a spare minute, I gave it to my business, and there was NO time left for my own stuff. All. Summer. Long.
I was getting more and more resentful feeling that I was losing myself, my joy, and my business momentum in order to make sure that my guests had all of their needs met.
But this was so unfair to them and to me, instead of saying ‘this is what I need” I made the decision that my needs weren’t as important as theirs, and acted accordingly and expected them to just know what my needs were without any communication.
It wasn’t their fault, I was the one who was being dishonest, by saying “yes” when I meant “no” or doing things I didn’t have the time or desire to do, just so that I wasn’t being “rude”. I was being dishonest by asking them their needs and not telling them I had some as well.
The Power to Change = a Decision.
Some of my friends and former mastermind partners who are reading this are probably chuckling as they remember all too well my tears and telling me “you have the power to fix this. It’s your home!” And they were right. And so I did. It was simply a decision.
While not as many, we still have house guests regularly over the summer, and some guests are super easy – they stay for a night or two, make their own arrangements, have their own cars, we barely see them except for a cocktail, other visits can be a lot more invasive – for example my mother in law held a party at my house during a very busy work week.
It comes down to boundaries.
It sounds simple to say “set up boundaries” however I understand more than anyone how that can feel rude or be interpreted as rude, or inhospitable by our guests. So here are my best tips and hopefully they can inspire you as well.
Tip 1. Mindset
The biggest shift I can recommend is your mindset. Remember if you work from home, your home is your work. I recommend giving yourself the same respect you would give to an outside employer and respect your business hours, and if you approach your business like a business this will show up in your body language, your energy, and your guests will receive it and understand it. The only way they can treat it like it’s not a real job is if you agree with them and treat it that way yourself.
Tip 2. Communication
It’s really not fair to expect your guests to just know what you have going on. Let them know how important your business is to you, and while they are vacationing, that you are not. Let them know what is going on for you and if you will have time to visit or not, and if that doesn’t work for them, they may choose not to visit, and if it does work, when they visit, they are fully aware of what to expect from you.
Tip 3. Time boundaries
This piggybacks onto communication – ultimately if people are in your home, you will no doubt want to spend time with them, so let them know your office hours and decide in advance when you are “off duty” – it could be a day you take off, or maybe it’s an hour or two you set aside on a particular day. Let them know when that is, and stick to it! And during that time – be present,100%, put the smart phone away, and focus on them and just enjoy their company and yourself.
Tip 4. Don’t be afraid to say NO
During what I now call “The Summer From Hell” there were a few guests I should have said “no” to. We had days where we didn’t even have 24 hours between houseguests. Now if someone wants to visit and it truly doesn’t work for me, I simply tell them those dates don’t work. It will feel horrible the first time you do it, but I promise you, it’s truly the kindest and fairest thing you can do for them and for you.
Tip 5. Ask them to Pitch In
It’s ok to ask your guests to take care of themselves. When my mother in law had the party, I was kind but firm that I would not be doing any work, it was up to her, so she provided the food, served the guests and cleaned up. I expect people staying in my home to do their own dishes, make their own beds and pitch in with the cooking. They may be on vacation, but I no longer provide restaurant service.
Tip 6. Don’t move your immovables
If you have personal goals and objectives and routines, do not pitch them aside to accommodate your houseguests. It’s one thing to reschedule a one off appointment for something you really want to do with them. But if you have to completely rearrange and change your schedule both personally and professionally to make someone else’s vacation better, you will only end up resentful and that will affect your energy and how you show up.
My personal immoveables are:
- My horse
- My exercise
- My morning mindset work
- My morning snuggles and cuddles with my pugs in my favorite chair
Tip 7 – Solid Business Systems
Let’s face it, even with the firmest boundaries, houseguests will be an interruption to your schedule and flow. Systems and team that you can count on, are crucial to keeping you going and providing you that extra support. However as entrepreneurs life does get hectic and I’ve written a couple of articles about setting your business up to survive when you aren’t available, and when life gets hectic. By being prepared in advance for any contingency, you will set yourself up for success, whether you are facing an onslaught of houseguests or an unexpected life event. Have systems in your business that you can count on.
In Conclusion
Houseguests can be as rewarding as it is stressful. And as an entrepreneur, and the owner of your home, unless you have made the decision to take a vacation with them when they visit, it’s really up to you to set boundaries, and it’s OK to expect them to be respected.
I completely understand it’s difficult emotionally – somehow it seems easier to blame the boss that you can’t take a day off, or have a fixed client appointment, then to go into your home office with others in the home, close the door and focus on what you need to do to build your business, with the only person you are being accountable to is you.
But when explained with love to your guests, and out of kindness to them and to you – setting up strong boundaries will be the key to keeping your business flowing and relationships solid.
Lara
Thank you! Needed to read this today. We got railroaded last year and this year with houseguests. I’ve established my new boundaries and just found out my mother in law is planning a visit. So now I need to communicate my new boundaries – easier said than done, but I will do it. I can’t continue to sacrifice myself and my work
Nafissa Shireen
I hear you Lara! I’ve been there, and while it’s not easy setting boundaries at first, once you do, it makes it so much easier for everyone, and your guests – even close family – do appreciate it.